Today I start.

Today I started a blog again.  The last time I had one, it was to document a Change.

I like to see things.  I need to look at something to understand it.  I’m a visual learner.  Writing about myself helps me understand myself.  Writing about things that frighten me, or excite me takes the rough edges off the bad and lets me relive the good.

I’m not sure if this blog is the result of a Change or in anticipation of one, but I feel the need to write about something.

In May 2017, I embarked on a 3-week tour of Peru that I’d been planning for EVER but that trip was overshadowed with a numbing haze as it happened about 2 months after the death of my beloved cat Nyx.   I had a great time, met great people and checked soooo many Bucket List boxes; but I wasn’t as fully engaged in it as I’d planned to be and hoped to be.  I didn’t write about it like I thought I would.  I missed that opportunity, but even as I watched the time slip past and knew I could be writing, I couldn’t make myself do it.  I could feel myself falling into depression when I arrived home. I spent the summer being quiet and alone.  Being quiet and alone are two of my favourite things as I’m a raging introvert, but I know how to socialize and feel better when I do small-scale social activities with people I like.  I wasn’t doing that.

Here I am in June 2018 prepping for 2 weeks in England and Scotland with family and SERIOUSLY looking forward to it.  I have a new cat Quinn who’s healthy and happy and am still living life quiet and alone.  So.  Maybe that’s the Change I anticipate?  Breaking out of quiet and alone and into some targeted socialization?  Some therapeutic writing?  I felt driven to start this blog, and I’ve done it, which I take as a good sign.  I always know what I “should” do and what I “want” to do.  I don’t always have the will or desire to do it.

Today is different.  I’m glad.  Maybe I’m crawling out now.

 

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